Ingredients
2 cups (480ml) vanilla ice cream
1 cup (240ml) whole milk
1/4 cup (60ml) half & half
2 1/2 tablespoons (35g) sugar
1/8 teaspoon vanilla extract
Procedure
Pour the milk, ice cream, and half & half in a blender and partially blend, then add the sugar and flavoring until thoroughly mixed.
For chocolate or strawberry substitute in about 3 tablespoons of the relative type powder in the place of sugar and vanilla extract.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
banana split
Ingredients
4 bananas
100 g dark chocolate
100 ml cream
25 g almond flakes
150 ml whipping cream
½ l vanilla ice cream
Directions
Remove the peal from the bananas and split them lengthways.
Put chocolate and cream in a pan and heat slowly while stirring.
Toast the almond flakes carefully on a dry frying pan (they burn easily).
Whip the whipping cream.
Put on a plate with the ice cream in the middle, the two banana halves around it and with the melted chocolate and the almonds drizzled over.
4 bananas
100 g dark chocolate
100 ml cream
25 g almond flakes
150 ml whipping cream
½ l vanilla ice cream
Directions
Remove the peal from the bananas and split them lengthways.
Put chocolate and cream in a pan and heat slowly while stirring.
Toast the almond flakes carefully on a dry frying pan (they burn easily).
Whip the whipping cream.
Put on a plate with the ice cream in the middle, the two banana halves around it and with the melted chocolate and the almonds drizzled over.
Friday, December 15, 2006
chocake
ingredients:
1-2 Chocolate cake
1/3 cup (80ml) vegetable oil
2 ounces (55g) unsweetened chocolate
1c sugar (or 1/2 cup)
1 egg
1 1/4 cups (300g) whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup (180ml) water
3/4 cup (180g) semi-sweet chocolate pieces (such as chocolate chips)
1/2 cup (120g) chopped nuts
(Optional: 4 ounces (115g) cream cheese or sour cream)
Put the oil and chocolate in an 8in (20cm) square pan and set it in 350F (180C) oven just until the chocolate melts. (Add sour cream or cream cheese if desired.)
Add remaining ingredients, except chocolate chips and nuts, to the pan.
Beat with a fork until smooth and creamy (about 2 minutes).
Scrape the sides of the pan, and spread the batter evenly in the pan.
Sprinkle with chocolate chips and nuts. Optionally, cut the chocolate chips and nuts into the batter to some extent.
Bake 350F (180c) for 30 to 40 minutes, untill a toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean.
Cool in pan; eat hot or cooled.
1-2 Chocolate cake
1/3 cup (80ml) vegetable oil
2 ounces (55g) unsweetened chocolate
1c sugar (or 1/2 cup)
1 egg
1 1/4 cups (300g) whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup (180ml) water
3/4 cup (180g) semi-sweet chocolate pieces (such as chocolate chips)
1/2 cup (120g) chopped nuts
(Optional: 4 ounces (115g) cream cheese or sour cream)
Put the oil and chocolate in an 8in (20cm) square pan and set it in 350F (180C) oven just until the chocolate melts. (Add sour cream or cream cheese if desired.)
Add remaining ingredients, except chocolate chips and nuts, to the pan.
Beat with a fork until smooth and creamy (about 2 minutes).
Scrape the sides of the pan, and spread the batter evenly in the pan.
Sprinkle with chocolate chips and nuts. Optionally, cut the chocolate chips and nuts into the batter to some extent.
Bake 350F (180c) for 30 to 40 minutes, untill a toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean.
Cool in pan; eat hot or cooled.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
cookies yammy
Ingredients:
6 tb Unsalted butter
8 oz Grated white chocolate
2 Eggs
1/2 c Sugar
1 tb Vanilla
1 c Flour
1 c Heaped semi-sweet choc chunk
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour an 8 inch square baking pan. Melt butter and 4 oz of white chocolate together in top of double boiler over hot water. When melted remove from heat and add balance of white chocolate. Stir to blend well. Set aside.
2. Beat eggs. Add sugar. Beat 2-3 minutes. Add white chocolate and butter mixture vanilla and flour. Beat just until smooth. Add chocolate chunks and mix in by hand -- do not beat.
3. Pour into prepared pan and bake 35 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack. Cut into squares or bars
enjoy!
6 tb Unsalted butter
8 oz Grated white chocolate
2 Eggs
1/2 c Sugar
1 tb Vanilla
1 c Flour
1 c Heaped semi-sweet choc chunk
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour an 8 inch square baking pan. Melt butter and 4 oz of white chocolate together in top of double boiler over hot water. When melted remove from heat and add balance of white chocolate. Stir to blend well. Set aside.
2. Beat eggs. Add sugar. Beat 2-3 minutes. Add white chocolate and butter mixture vanilla and flour. Beat just until smooth. Add chocolate chunks and mix in by hand -- do not beat.
3. Pour into prepared pan and bake 35 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack. Cut into squares or bars
enjoy!
Friday, December 8, 2006
candy house
Roof candy wafers, mini marshmallowsTrees ice cream cones, almond bark, pumpkin seeds, silver and red dragéesWindows lined in royal icingWindowpanes crushed clear red candiesFence pretzel sticks, royal icingBase of house wheel-shaped candies, red licorice bites, gummy candies Mosaic path black licorice, red licorice, colorful candy-coated chocolate piecesOrange bushes sliced jelly fruit slicesLollipop trees mini candy canes, jelly fruit slices, wintergreen wheel-shaped candiesChristmas lights thin licorice ropes, jelly beans, colorful candy-coated chocolate piecesWreath Christmas candy corn, gummy raspberries, royal icingCart pretzel squares, wintergreen wheel-shaped candies, red cinnamon candies, graham cracker, frosted wheat cerealSnow shredded coconut
2. Roll chilled dough out on a well floured surface to a 1/8-inch thick square.
3. Line your cookie sheet with parchment paper. Place template on top of dough; using the tip of a sharp paring knife, trace the shape. Transfer shapes to parchment-lined pan, and chill in refrigerator for 15 minutes.
Gingerbread House Template
4. Remove dough from refrigerator. Sprinkle crushed red candies in the spaces cut out for the windowpanes. The candy will melt and create a stained glass effect for windows (optional). Bake 20-30 minutes until center is firm; don’t let edges get too dark. Cool completely before removing from parchment.
5. Assemble your components and build your house (see main Gingerbread Houses article). Fill your piping bag with royal icing. Pipe a thick line of icing on the bottom (base) edge of the first side wall. Stand side wall on your sturdy foundation, icing side down, 2 inches in from the edge of the "yard." Hold for about 5 minutes to set; use cans from your pantry to stabilize--one on each side of the wall--and hold it in place.
Gingerbread Houses
6. Pipe a thick line of icing onto front edge of side wall. Pipe icing along base of front panel and press edges of walls together at a right angle. Hold walls together for about 5 minutes and then hold up with cans. Pipe icing along the front of the vertical seam where the two walls meet, and along the bases to stabilize.
7. Add second side wall to the front panel in the same fashion: stabilize with icing, hold to set, and prop up with cans. Pipe icing on vertical seam and along the base.
8. Pipe more icing and reposition cans to stabilize walls, if necessary.
9. Add back panel: pipe icing along edges of side walls and along the bottom of the back panel. Press the back panel into place and hold for 5 minutes. Carefully reach inside the house from above and pipe icing along all bases and seams to reinforce the walls. Use cans for support, if needed. Let stand for 30-60 minutes until dry and hard before adding the roof.
10. Remove cans from inside the house before assembling the roof. Pipe a line of icing along the diagonal edge front wall, continuing to pipe icing along edge of top of adjoining side wall, then up the diagonal edge of the back panel.
11. Pipe a line of icing around the inside edge of the roof panel, and press it into place. The top edge of the roof should align with the edges of the front and back panels.
12. The edge of the roof should create an "eave," an overhang of about ¾ inch or so. Hold the roof panel in place for 5 minutes. Pipe additional lines along roof joints, and carefully reach inside the house pipe inner seams as well. Repeat with second half of the roof. If necessary, prop up the roof with cans to hold the panels in place. Let the house sit a minimum of 6 hours or overnight so that the icing can harden.
13. When the house is assembled and dry, you can begin decorating! Start with the roof. Spread icing over the entire rooftop.
14. Begin at the bottom edge of the roof. Pipe a thin line of icing to adhere roof tiles. Apply candy wafers in rows, alternating colors. Rows should overlap the previous tiles slightly, about an eighth of an inch.
15. When both sides of roof are tiled, pipe a line of icing across the peak and cover with two rows of mini marshmallows.
16. Pipe a thick line of icing along base of house using a star tip. Decorate base of house with candies.
17. Outline the pathway and spread with icing. Alternate rows of licorice and candy. Pipe icing along the edge of the path and use red candy-coated chocolate pieces as a border.
18. Using a star tip, pipe a decorative swag of icing up the front edges of the house, from base to peak. Press black licorice ropes lightly into the icing. Pipe dots of icing on the licorice and decorate with candy "light bulbs" for Christmas lights.
19. The front door is left ajar. Outline door using a small tip and create little pearl drops. Use this same piping around your windows. At the base of the windows create a snow ledge with a thick star tip.
20. Spread yard with icing and sprinkle with coconut. Add lollipop trees, fence, pine trees and presents.
21. Finishing Touches:These accessories can be assembled in advance, while you wait for the house to dry.
Wreath pipe a circle of icing on parchment paper and fill in with additional icing. Starting from the outside and working inward, arrange Christmas candy corn to make a wreath. Let dry completely. Pipe a small amount of icing on the back of wreath; hold in place a few minutes on the front of the house to adhere.Front door decorate with a wheel-shaped candy for the window; top with icing "snow."Gingerbread kids bake gingerbread people cut-outs, and decorate a boy and a girl. Pine tree dip ice cream cones in the melted almond bark and use tweezers to trim the trees with pumpkin seeds, silver balls, and red cinnamon candies.Lollipop trees cut off curved ends of candy canes. Insert top end into a round fruit slice. Adhere bottom of candy cane to a wheel-shaped candy with icing to stabilize the tree.Fence four pretzel sticks per fence section, affixed with royal icing.Presents small square cookies decorated with green piping and sliced candies.Cart Attach pretzel squares to a graham cracker quarter. Make wheels with the wheel-shaped candies and red cinnamon candies; attach to cart with icing. Fill with presents. Fill with snowy "hay"--shredded wheat biscuitsSnowman (optional addition--see Candy Cane Gingerbread House instructions)
2. Roll chilled dough out on a well floured surface to a 1/8-inch thick square.
3. Line your cookie sheet with parchment paper. Place template on top of dough; using the tip of a sharp paring knife, trace the shape. Transfer shapes to parchment-lined pan, and chill in refrigerator for 15 minutes.
Gingerbread House Template
4. Remove dough from refrigerator. Sprinkle crushed red candies in the spaces cut out for the windowpanes. The candy will melt and create a stained glass effect for windows (optional). Bake 20-30 minutes until center is firm; don’t let edges get too dark. Cool completely before removing from parchment.
5. Assemble your components and build your house (see main Gingerbread Houses article). Fill your piping bag with royal icing. Pipe a thick line of icing on the bottom (base) edge of the first side wall. Stand side wall on your sturdy foundation, icing side down, 2 inches in from the edge of the "yard." Hold for about 5 minutes to set; use cans from your pantry to stabilize--one on each side of the wall--and hold it in place.
Gingerbread Houses
6. Pipe a thick line of icing onto front edge of side wall. Pipe icing along base of front panel and press edges of walls together at a right angle. Hold walls together for about 5 minutes and then hold up with cans. Pipe icing along the front of the vertical seam where the two walls meet, and along the bases to stabilize.
7. Add second side wall to the front panel in the same fashion: stabilize with icing, hold to set, and prop up with cans. Pipe icing on vertical seam and along the base.
8. Pipe more icing and reposition cans to stabilize walls, if necessary.
9. Add back panel: pipe icing along edges of side walls and along the bottom of the back panel. Press the back panel into place and hold for 5 minutes. Carefully reach inside the house from above and pipe icing along all bases and seams to reinforce the walls. Use cans for support, if needed. Let stand for 30-60 minutes until dry and hard before adding the roof.
10. Remove cans from inside the house before assembling the roof. Pipe a line of icing along the diagonal edge front wall, continuing to pipe icing along edge of top of adjoining side wall, then up the diagonal edge of the back panel.
11. Pipe a line of icing around the inside edge of the roof panel, and press it into place. The top edge of the roof should align with the edges of the front and back panels.
12. The edge of the roof should create an "eave," an overhang of about ¾ inch or so. Hold the roof panel in place for 5 minutes. Pipe additional lines along roof joints, and carefully reach inside the house pipe inner seams as well. Repeat with second half of the roof. If necessary, prop up the roof with cans to hold the panels in place. Let the house sit a minimum of 6 hours or overnight so that the icing can harden.
13. When the house is assembled and dry, you can begin decorating! Start with the roof. Spread icing over the entire rooftop.
14. Begin at the bottom edge of the roof. Pipe a thin line of icing to adhere roof tiles. Apply candy wafers in rows, alternating colors. Rows should overlap the previous tiles slightly, about an eighth of an inch.
15. When both sides of roof are tiled, pipe a line of icing across the peak and cover with two rows of mini marshmallows.
16. Pipe a thick line of icing along base of house using a star tip. Decorate base of house with candies.
17. Outline the pathway and spread with icing. Alternate rows of licorice and candy. Pipe icing along the edge of the path and use red candy-coated chocolate pieces as a border.
18. Using a star tip, pipe a decorative swag of icing up the front edges of the house, from base to peak. Press black licorice ropes lightly into the icing. Pipe dots of icing on the licorice and decorate with candy "light bulbs" for Christmas lights.
19. The front door is left ajar. Outline door using a small tip and create little pearl drops. Use this same piping around your windows. At the base of the windows create a snow ledge with a thick star tip.
20. Spread yard with icing and sprinkle with coconut. Add lollipop trees, fence, pine trees and presents.
21. Finishing Touches:These accessories can be assembled in advance, while you wait for the house to dry.
Wreath pipe a circle of icing on parchment paper and fill in with additional icing. Starting from the outside and working inward, arrange Christmas candy corn to make a wreath. Let dry completely. Pipe a small amount of icing on the back of wreath; hold in place a few minutes on the front of the house to adhere.Front door decorate with a wheel-shaped candy for the window; top with icing "snow."Gingerbread kids bake gingerbread people cut-outs, and decorate a boy and a girl. Pine tree dip ice cream cones in the melted almond bark and use tweezers to trim the trees with pumpkin seeds, silver balls, and red cinnamon candies.Lollipop trees cut off curved ends of candy canes. Insert top end into a round fruit slice. Adhere bottom of candy cane to a wheel-shaped candy with icing to stabilize the tree.Fence four pretzel sticks per fence section, affixed with royal icing.Presents small square cookies decorated with green piping and sliced candies.Cart Attach pretzel squares to a graham cracker quarter. Make wheels with the wheel-shaped candies and red cinnamon candies; attach to cart with icing. Fill with presents. Fill with snowy "hay"--shredded wheat biscuitsSnowman (optional addition--see Candy Cane Gingerbread House instructions)
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
waffles
Buttermilk Waffles
2/3 cup of Corn Meal
1 1/3 cups of wheat flour
2 Eggs or just the egg whites2 cups of buttermilk1 tsp.
baking soda1 1/2 tsp.
baking powder1 tsp.
salt If you like sugar in your waffles, add a few tablespoons of molasses3 to 8 tablespoons of cooking oil or butter
Do not over mix ingredients
2/3 cup of Corn Meal
1 1/3 cups of wheat flour
2 Eggs or just the egg whites2 cups of buttermilk1 tsp.
baking soda1 1/2 tsp.
baking powder1 tsp.
salt If you like sugar in your waffles, add a few tablespoons of molasses3 to 8 tablespoons of cooking oil or butter
Do not over mix ingredients
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Four Spice Crackles
INGREDIENTS
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup shortening
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
2/3 cup coarse granulated sugar
DIRECTIONS
Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, ginger, cloves, nutmeg and cinnamon. Set aside. In a medium bowl, cream together the brown sugar, butter, and shortening. Stir in the molasses and egg. Gradually stir in the dry ingredients until everything is incorporated. Cover and chill dough for at least 1 1/2 hours.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease baking sheets or line them with parchment paper.
Roll the chilled dough into 1 inch balls. Roll each ball in the coarse sugar. If you do not have coarse sugar, you can use regular sugar. Place cookie 2 inches apart on the prepared cookie sheets, and flatten slightly.
Bake for 9 to 12 minutes in the preheated oven, until cookies are cracked but still soft in the center. Remove from baking sheets to cool on wire racks. Store cooled cookies in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.
INGREDIENTS
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup shortening
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
2/3 cup coarse granulated sugar
DIRECTIONS
Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, ginger, cloves, nutmeg and cinnamon. Set aside. In a medium bowl, cream together the brown sugar, butter, and shortening. Stir in the molasses and egg. Gradually stir in the dry ingredients until everything is incorporated. Cover and chill dough for at least 1 1/2 hours.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease baking sheets or line them with parchment paper.
Roll the chilled dough into 1 inch balls. Roll each ball in the coarse sugar. If you do not have coarse sugar, you can use regular sugar. Place cookie 2 inches apart on the prepared cookie sheets, and flatten slightly.
Bake for 9 to 12 minutes in the preheated oven, until cookies are cracked but still soft in the center. Remove from baking sheets to cool on wire racks. Store cooled cookies in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.
Some jokes about Chuck Norris ( thanks ITA!)
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Chuck Norris’ wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, “don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Chuck Norris’ wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, “don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Sunday, December 3, 2006
welcome
hi all!!!
how are you? I hope you feel good...
this is my new blog and it's gonna be about the world... you probobly ask yourself what does that mean....
o.k I'll explain.. it's gonna be about kinds of food, flags of the world, jokes, videoclips
and in the future surely more!!
I hope you'll enjoy this blog...
yours
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